Spotlight Saturday: Ship’s Cook Hoozat

Ahoy, ye sea-dogs and sea-cats, and welcome back to that one moment a’ the week that yer and I look forward to with baited breath! Actually, yer host nearly forgot, but we be ignorin’ that!

It’s Spotlight Saturday, which means I get to sit down with another member of the jollier crew, from the upcomin’ novel, Jollier Roger. This week, I’ll be talkin’ to none other than the infamous ship’s cook of The Bottle; Hoozat!

*Applause from the audience, who then be told to shut up*

Host: I said… Hoozat! … Hoozat? Argh, he may a’ died, hold- HOOZAT!

Hoozat: Wha’zat?

Host: Ah, there ye be. Come here, have a seat.

Hoozat: A beet? I ain’t hungry.

Host: No, no, the chair, sit in the chair right over-

Hoozat: I don’t see a bear. Can I sit’n this here chair?!

Host: …Aye, whatever. So then, Hoozat, the question I get asked a lot is this; what’s it like, feedin’ such a motley band as the jollier crew?

Hoozat: Hrmmm… I mostly just throw stuff in as I see it!

Host: Be that so?

Hoozat: Who’zat?

Host: BE THAT so?

Hoozat: Aye, aye! And nobody ever complains. They just hold their bellies and groan with contentment.

Host: Ehh… Well, how is it workin’ with such few supplies on those long voyages across the Caribbean?

Hoozat: I like cruisin’ the Caribbean!

Host: Tha t’aint the question. The lack a’ food, tell us about the lack a’ food!

Hoozat: Lack of food? Well there’s always rats a-crawlin’ about, and we can always grab some-

Host: Blow me down! but I don’t think I want to hear the rest a’ that. Let’s move on to another topic. Does yer lack a’ hearin’ ever come in the way of yer duties?

Hoozat: Wha’zat?

Host: Yer jobs!

Hoozat: My blobs?

Host: Well, I take that as an answer. Wager it does. And finally, this question be submitted to us from a fan. Ye see a lot a’ birds and fish and other creatures in your travels, but which is yer favorite animal?

Hoozat: My savory ammo?

Host: Nay, what type a’ animal do ye like best?

Hoozat: Cannibals need rest?

Host: …Let me help ye out. Do ye like lions? Eagles, or lizards?

Hoozat: Oh! Nope, never cooked an evil gizzard.

Host: *Checks paper* Says here ye like elephants?

Hoozat: Elepents! Where? Where! I love elepents!

*Confused applause as Hoozat plummets off the stage and into the audience*

Host: Aye, well that be all for this week’s Spotlight Saturday. Thank ye all for stoppin’ by, and remember… stay jollier!

… Arr, ye’r lucky ye didn’t say it with me or I’d a cannonaded the lot a’ ya!


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