Ahoy thar, ladies and maties, and welcome to yet another Spotlight Saturday, where we sit down with characters from the newestish pirate humor/adventure novel, Jollier Roger! Which, by the by, were just released March 14th, and is now available in the Kindle Store.
Today we have a very special interview with the Jollier Roger hisself, Captain James Roberts. So without further delay, give a hand or a hook to the man of the hour!
*Much clappin’ ensues as the captain comes to the stage, and has hisself a seat*
Host: Welcome aboard, captain!
Captain James Roberts: Thank you, Mister Host.
Host: First things first, congratulations on the release o’ Jollier Roger. How do ye feel about it?
Captain James Roberts: Very well. We had much help in spreading the word, and you know that a captain is only as good as his crew. At the same time… a crew is only as good as their captain. Does that mean the credit is all me own?
Host: Aye… could be. So what comes next?
Captain James Roberts: Well rumor has it book 4 has just started being written. As such, book 2 is already written, so you can look for that in a few months.
Host: Shiver me timbers! So now I’ve some questions for ye, captain, and here they are. What be yer fears in life? We know from the book that ye’re not so happy when ye hear Israel ‘Black Knife’ Eastwell is on yer trail.
Captain James Roberts: Have you met the man? You wouldn’t be happy, either! But all the same, I am not ‘afraid’ of him. No, my one true fear is the blade.
Host: Don’t want to get yerself stabbed?
Captain James Roberts: No, I mean the razor blade. Dogban is the ship’s barber, so he sees to me shaving. I just hope his one good eye never fails him…
Host: Arr, me also! Now then, ye’ve a lot of crew members aboard The Bottle, but let me ask ye this; which o’ them do ye find the most troublesome?
Captain James Roberts: Hum! A fine question you have there. Well, young Etisvan tries to kill me-
Captain James Roberts: -regularly, but I don’t think he knows how to. Dogban’s singing has shaken me from deep sleep and caused me to think I died and went below board. Tenika is, well, quite bothersome indeed. And ship’s cook Hoozat has yet to hear me command on the first try. Or second… or fifth… or tenth…
Host: So who is the worst?
Captain James Roberts: Well… I suppose I dislike them all equally!
Host: Well, that makes sense! Next question, ands I know this is one folks be dyin’ to know the answer to. What is it that ye find so mystifying about tangerines?
Captain James Roberts: When I was a child, I stole a tangerine…
Host: And that began yer life o’ piracy?
Captain James Roberts: Hm? No, but I still remember the first one I ate. To answer your question, they are simply the most amazing source of food and protein in all the world.
Captain James Roberts: Why, yes! You could live off the things, you know.
Host: I’m not so sure about that… Anyhoo! We know ye’re a sort o’ celebrity, what with havin’ such a famous grandfather. Does that ever get you in trouble?
Captain James Roberts: … Uh, yes. All the time?
Host: Hmm, suppose ye’re right. And the neck thing? Why does yer blessed neck kink so often?
Captain James Roberts: Well, that’s a painful memory…
Host: Ye were betrayed?
Captain James Roberts: No, there was a terrible storm when I was fifteen, and I fell on me head from the forecastle.
Host: Argh, that explains much.
Captain James Roberts: What was that…?
Host: Explains yer neck! Heh… And finally, we’ve some reader submitted questions here. The first is this; obviously ye have a problem with, er… un-hygienic wenches, and lookin’ ahead at the later books, this problem only gets worse.
Captain James Roberts: It does…?
Host: So why don’t ye buy some perfume for the ladies?
Captain James Roberts: Perfume! That would smell ever worse. I hate the smell of flowers, and combining the rotten things with Tenika would be a new definition of torture.
Host: Hmm, you’ve a point there… Finally, for our last fan question this week; ye always seem like ye’re in yer own little world. Why is that?
Captain James Roberts: What was that? I wasn’t paying attention… Do you hear it?
Host: … It?
Captain James Roberts: That chattering… the tapping of little claws…
Host: Argh… no?
Captain James Roberts: Ah HA!
*There is a great commotion on the stage as the captain leaps from his seat and knocks the host over*
Host: What in blazes…?!
Captain James Roberts: Salvador! That cursed white rat!
*The captain draws his sabers as Salvador scurries up the leg of his trousers*
Host: Easy thar!
Captain James Roberts: This time he dies, and all of you dogs are witness!
*The rat leaps from James’ pants and onto Hosty*
Host: I found him! … Wait, no! No, don’t attack…!
*There is no so much commotion that ye can no longer keep tabs of what be what*
Host: That’s about it, maties! Until next time, stay jollier…! And not caught in the captain’s way!