Dogban on Pirate #Torture

“Some people ask me, they says, ‘Dogban… You’re the first mate aboard The Bottle. You sail wiff Cap’n Roberts alls the time. Does he torture folks?’ And the answer I always gives ’em is ‘Aye, aye!’ Though, the cap’n never did things the usual way. He believes torture should be instructive. So, if he catches ya drinkin’, he makes ya drink ’til ya give back more than ya took. He doesn’t like plank walking, though he does sometimes dip offenders in oil. Cold oil. And then there’s squid-slapping, bilge-mopping, and Tenika, she’s the best stinkin’ torture tool he’s got! Get it-?”

– First Mate Dogban


Jollier Interviews

Here at Jollier Roger Cove, we strive to unite all pirates under one banner. That’s not entirely true, but it sounds mighty nice when ye say it! Anyhow, we do like hearin’ from fellow pirates, swashbucklers, privateers, and all manner o’ scurvy dogs with a love for the high seas and those bold adventurers.

So, we want to interview ye! Doesn’t matter if ye’re a real-life pirate or ye read a book or so. Let us know if ye’d like to answer a few fun questions, and we’ll send ’em yer way. Then yer interview will appear here on the Cove, and on the Jollier Roger Facebook page, which is boomin’ by the by!

Here be the rules:

√ Ye must have fun.

√ Ye must be a human, or a parrot.

√ Ye must keep it clean. We’ve grandmums who visit this page, by thunder!

√ Ye must have fun.

If ye’re thinkin’ ye can swing that, or if ye know a mate who could, use this contact form to, well, contact us. Thar be a good chance ye’ll get picked, but if not, there be always the next time!

How Jollier Roger Begins

Ahoy, maties! Being that ye’re here on Jollier Roger Cove, and ye always visit us at the Jollier Roger Facebook page, we fig’re some o’ ye might be wondering how Jollier Roger starts. We mean REALLY starts; the first words, even! Well, here they are.

Atlantic Ocean, 1724…

A small boat, just a dinghy and little more, having only one man aboard and dressed richly so that none could deny he was a captain. The thunder of the cloudy gray sky made the fish jump for fright, and the lightning was enough to scare a spirit.

But wasn’t that just why he’d come? Was he any man to fear his death, having lived a life longer and more fulfilling than ever he may have? Having waved his fist with a triumphant laugh, when all other men thought him dead?

The storm, the terror, the myth of the Atlantic Tristorm… Now wasn’t that exactly for what he’d come?

With the lightning came his low voice in a familiar song. “Of all the world’s colors I take me the blue. Yo, ho… yo, ho… yo, ho. Be free as the waves, that is what I do. Yo, ho… yo, ho… yo, ho. Steal from the crowns, no, I don’t fear no crew. Yo, ho… yo, ho… yo, ho. Give me the liars, for I can’t trust the true. Yo ho, yo ho, yo ho!”

As his oars dipped into the choppy waters, the spray of the waves filling the air so that a heavy haze clung to that place, he knew he was near. No man could have denied it, even before the lightning struck the sea before him. The green blast was like the shine of an emerald, coursing through the waters all around him.

Then a voice, “Avast, man of the sea.” He didn’t look away. He sat up all the taller with his hat tipped proudly, bold as the echoing voice went on. “Who do you claim to be, and what do you desire?”

A grin crossed his face, “… Captain Roberts, that is my name, and that you shall call me. As for what I’m wanting…”

Coast of Port Royal, 1762…

“The light filled him and all he had on him. From his ship to his brass buttons he was enchanted, but what became of him none can say. That’s the legend of Captain Roberts, the Atlantic Tristorm, and the Magic Treasures.”

The great vessel of three masts dipped then rose up, the boom of the waves echoing across the deck. All hands were busy on the main deck, besides the man listening to the story. He was about fifty years old, with a great brown beard down to his chest and a dull eye. “That really how it goes, cap’n?” he asked with his thick Norwegian accent.

The storyteller looked out to the bright blue sea, letting the spray soak his young face and long raven’s hair. He was a dark man of twenty so he seemed, his eyes alight with quiet excitement and adventure. He was dressed like a sailor, not so much a pirate; open black shirt, tight black trousers, and thin boots almost to his knees. “Are you questioning me story? It is! … Maybe.”

Deadglare’s Song

In Chapter 10, Captain James Roberts finds himself in the depths of the Ship Graveyard at Cayman Brac. Here he plans to meet with the notorious ghost of Captain Deadglare, the most wicked soul to ever sail the seas. What they find leaves much to be desired, but the strange spirit still manages to turn the tables and trap the young captain, at which point, he sings this song he’d been rehearsing for years:

[Deadglare’s lethargic ghost crew]

Long ago, ther lived a man, much worse, than me, or you!
He lied, he stole, he tortured folks, and aye, he murdered too.

Ho! Hum! Hang and swing, but don’ cross Captain Deadglare.
Ho! Hum! Hang and swing, but run from Captain Deadglare!

A time ago, ther sailed a fleet, cannon-armed, and cargo full.
Captain came, left all the same, all ‘cept for, a bloody toll.

Ho! Hum! Hang and swing, but don’ cross Captain Deadglare.
Ho! Hum! Hang and swing, but run from Captain Deadglare!

[Deadglare, warming up to his own tune]

Long ago, I sailed the seas; I pillaged ships, and ransacked towns.
I may, be dead, but once a year, I come, to share, eternal frowns.

Ho! Hum! Hang and swing, but don’ cross Captain Deadglare.
Ho! Hum! Hang and swing, but run from Captain Deadglare!

A time ago, the sailors spoke, of Edward Teach or Davy Jones.
But I’m the ghost, whose name is on, the lips of all their cheerless bones.

Ho! Hum! Hang and swing, but don’ cross Captain Deadglare.
Ho! Hum! Hang and swing, but run from Captain Deadglare!

Crew Interview: Grandmum Roberts

Welcome us back, mates! It’s been a long while since we’ve interviewed the cast of Jollier Roger, but here we are to pick up where we left off. In light of Jollier Roger 2 landing ashore last month, we will be gettin’ to know the new crew members of THE BOTTLE, and some old foes as well!

Today we have a new crew member and a enemy all wrapped in one. Please welcome to the Cove… Grandmum Roberts! Continue reading

Davy Bones and Chuck Farthing: Dogs

davy and chuck

It was another of those days where the crews slaved away about those rickety old vessels anchored just off the coast of the sandy island. Just such days as these the captains would pitch their crude tents to shield their sun-bleached bones from the scorching summer sun.

“Chuck,” says Davy Bones as they sat each across from a bottle of rum. “I do believe ye be leakin’ like a carrack.”

Old Chuck Farthing looked to his ribs, from whence the rum poured free. It may be true that they sat across from the bottle, and they drank like men dying of thirst, but that is not to say it went anywhere but the floor.

Continue reading

Davy Bones and Chuck Farthing: Steam Engines

From time to time, on those summer days when either captain should be not at sea, the weather being just so hot and humid that the old sea-dogs dared not step a foot outside, Davy Bones and Chuck Farthing would often hide away in the shade of some old abandoned seaside shack, and there they would drink or puff the day away in idle talk.

Sometimes these talks would be of important things, while at other times they could be nothing more than just that–idle ramblings, and since either man was none so young this was the case more often than not.

Continue reading

History and Lore

Here’s a little piece to get ye thinkin’, mates! Through our lives we struggle with a number o’ things, but chief among them (maybe) is telling the truth from a lie. So when we started this whole Jollier Roger thing, we didn’t know it at the time but we were about to make that even more possible by mixing history with lore.

Now, what does this mean, ye ask? Well it’s a simple matter of the story in question being packed choc-a-bloc with historical facts about the Caribbean, and the pirates who sailed the Spanish Main. But not only is there history, but there’s the little element o’ magic. Or, lore if ye prefer that.

There’s a good many legends and myths in the Jollier Roger realm, and if we may so flatter arselves, they blend in right seamlessly with the real tales. That’s got somethin’ to do with the legends takin’ root in some real stories. Sometimes we get the question, “Is that a real fact?” and it proves we’re doing a good job!

But what are we trying to accomplish, with these facts here and myths there? Well, that’s a good question, and the world may never know, but at the end o’ the day, it’s our hope that ye – the reader – will take the time to research the myths and legends, and see which are real and which are fake. We hope it gives ye a new found reason to search the seven seas of the internet for answers.

But, mostly we want ye to have a hard time.