Life With The Jollier Roger

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The evening is wearing down, the air humid and crew expended with the heat. There comes a knock on the door of the great cabin. No reply. Slowly, the pale visage of Captain James Roberts looks up to see the door opening, despite his ignoring it.

The young Spaniard enters, Estavan Acosta. “Come in…” says the captain with some irony.

“James.”

“Captain.”

“Whatever! The men are exhausted and the ship is canting.”

James gestures to himself. “And what am I expected to do about your problems?”

“MY problems?! It’s YOUR ship! Sometimes I find your lack of care appalling. What would you do if we suddenly struck an iceberg?”

The captain thought, long and hard, leaning back in his tall-backed chair and tapping his finger-tips together luxuriously. “Sink, eventually. But first I should spend a great deal of time wondering how an iceberg found its way into the Caribbean Sea.”

“Ugh…”

“Is that all?”

“Yes…”

“Well then! back to work with you.”

—-

Join the adventure for 99c! http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00IZPYY1S

Jollier Interview: Kristin Missy

Welcome to another Jollier Interview, where we take ordinary but amazing folks such as yerselves, then ask them questions as if they were bigshots! Today we’re sitting down with Kristin Missy.


 

Question: Would ye be a good sort of pirate, or a bad one?

Kristin Missy: A good one.

Question: Good to hear! Bein’ a good pirate and all, do you see yarself accomplishing great things as a pirate?

Kristin Missy: Semi-great thing, yes.

Question: Well it sounds like ye’ve got yer expectations good and balanced! Now picture this; the treasure chest is slippin’. Ye can only grab one piece o’ treasure. Do you grab the gold coin, the jewel, or the silver trinket?

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Dogban on Pirate #Torture

“Some people ask me, they says, ‘Dogban… You’re the first mate aboard The Bottle. You sail wiff Cap’n Roberts alls the time. Does he torture folks?’ And the answer I always gives ’em is ‘Aye, aye!’ Though, the cap’n never did things the usual way. He believes torture should be instructive. So, if he catches ya drinkin’, he makes ya drink ’til ya give back more than ya took. He doesn’t like plank walking, though he does sometimes dip offenders in oil. Cold oil. And then there’s squid-slapping, bilge-mopping, and Tenika, she’s the best stinkin’ torture tool he’s got! Get it-?”

– First Mate Dogban
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00IZPYY1S

Jollier Interviews

Here at Jollier Roger Cove, we strive to unite all pirates under one banner. That’s not entirely true, but it sounds mighty nice when ye say it! Anyhow, we do like hearin’ from fellow pirates, swashbucklers, privateers, and all manner o’ scurvy dogs with a love for the high seas and those bold adventurers.

So, we want to interview ye! Doesn’t matter if ye’re a real-life pirate or ye read a book or so. Let us know if ye’d like to answer a few fun questions, and we’ll send ’em yer way. Then yer interview will appear here on the Cove, and on the Jollier Roger Facebook page, which is boomin’ by the by!

Here be the rules:

√ Ye must have fun.

√ Ye must be a human, or a parrot.

√ Ye must keep it clean. We’ve grandmums who visit this page, by thunder!

√ Ye must have fun.

If ye’re thinkin’ ye can swing that, or if ye know a mate who could, use this contact form to, well, contact us. Thar be a good chance ye’ll get picked, but if not, there be always the next time!

Deadglare’s Song

In Chapter 10, Captain James Roberts finds himself in the depths of the Ship Graveyard at Cayman Brac. Here he plans to meet with the notorious ghost of Captain Deadglare, the most wicked soul to ever sail the seas. What they find leaves much to be desired, but the strange spirit still manages to turn the tables and trap the young captain, at which point, he sings this song he’d been rehearsing for years:


[Deadglare’s lethargic ghost crew]


Long ago, ther lived a man, much worse, than me, or you!
He lied, he stole, he tortured folks, and aye, he murdered too.

Ho! Hum! Hang and swing, but don’ cross Captain Deadglare.
Ho! Hum! Hang and swing, but run from Captain Deadglare!

A time ago, ther sailed a fleet, cannon-armed, and cargo full.
Captain came, left all the same, all ‘cept for, a bloody toll.

Ho! Hum! Hang and swing, but don’ cross Captain Deadglare.
Ho! Hum! Hang and swing, but run from Captain Deadglare!


[Deadglare, warming up to his own tune]


Long ago, I sailed the seas; I pillaged ships, and ransacked towns.
I may, be dead, but once a year, I come, to share, eternal frowns.

Ho! Hum! Hang and swing, but don’ cross Captain Deadglare.
Ho! Hum! Hang and swing, but run from Captain Deadglare!

A time ago, the sailors spoke, of Edward Teach or Davy Jones.
But I’m the ghost, whose name is on, the lips of all their cheerless bones.

Ho! Hum! Hang and swing, but don’ cross Captain Deadglare.
Ho! Hum! Hang and swing, but run from Captain Deadglare!

Crew Interview: Grandmum Roberts

Welcome us back, mates! It’s been a long while since we’ve interviewed the cast of Jollier Roger, but here we are to pick up where we left off. In light of Jollier Roger 2 landing ashore last month, we will be gettin’ to know the new crew members of THE BOTTLE, and some old foes as well!

Today we have a new crew member and a enemy all wrapped in one. Please welcome to the Cove… Grandmum Roberts! Continue reading

Become a Pirate, Fast!

Nooo! that ain’t an order, I mean now ye can learn all ye need to begin a life of adventure on the high seas, all from yar computer chair within the span of, say, five minutes. Introducing the Lesson in Pirate page!

Ye’ll learn about ships, weapons, islands, and all without ever feelin’ like ye learned anything. But! ye’ll now be able to share random and somehow pointless facts with yar friends. Have a look, and feel free to leave a comment here or there.

Cheers!

Davy Bones and Chuck Farthing: Dogs

davy and chuck

It was another of those days where the crews slaved away about those rickety old vessels anchored just off the coast of the sandy island. Just such days as these the captains would pitch their crude tents to shield their sun-bleached bones from the scorching summer sun.

“Chuck,” says Davy Bones as they sat each across from a bottle of rum. “I do believe ye be leakin’ like a carrack.”

Old Chuck Farthing looked to his ribs, from whence the rum poured free. It may be true that they sat across from the bottle, and they drank like men dying of thirst, but that is not to say it went anywhere but the floor.

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